On the power of men and virtual harassment

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Just a few days ago, a man who pretended to be someone else, took the liberty (not sure from where) to engage in what he thought was perhaps quite an entertaining engagement. Not sure how many women out there these days get virtually harassed and how (not that there are any appealing ways of being harassed) but this man was extraordinary. He was persistent, annoying, frustrating and intimidating. And he had no intention to stop (or so it seemed at the time).

It all began with a message he sent on August 2nd from a US number. Since this was a non-Turkish number I was genuinely confused and thought perhaps it was a friend. I asked a few times who he was. At first he said his name was Alp and that he found my phone number through a friend. I congratulated him for having such true friends but asked him not to bother me. It didn’t work, after blocking him, I received another message two days later, on August 3- he actually said by blocking him “the problem won’t get resolved”. “We are going to talk”, read his message. I don’t know which problem but I blocked him again, and asked WhatsApp to address the issue.

In the meantime I learned that, WhatsApp cares little of its users rights and cases as such. Because he was persistent, once again, I received a message from him on that very same day and again from a new number.

The following day, he decided to try a different tactic- calling me names although I am not sure where he was trying to get with that. I blocked him again. There was another message from him right after and another and another and another.

Basically I kept receiving text messages from him during the day each time from a new number (as I continued blocking him). Blocking him must have worked, since on August 6, he finally told me what his real name was and to make it more legit he sent his photograph (like, here, in your face, I can harass you and there is nothing you could do, even if you have a picture of me).

He started asking stupid questions about my work. Quoting my articles I have written and etc. This time I decided to respond, but only with question marks figuring that talking won’t help and will only frustrate me further and perhaps this would frustrate him in return.

To my surprise this worked. Well, not really. He started with saying he hated Azerbaijanis and although was ethnically an Azerbaijani he despised them (apparently they have done something to him) and so he decided to take revenge on a random person- which ended up being me.

Maybe it was my work that spared me the harassment. He said he appreciated my critical approach about Azerbaijan and that I wasn’t like the rest of them (not sure what he meant by this either). He did confess- just like that- that if this wasn’t case he would have continued to harass me (yes, he actually said this).

He said he didn’t actually live in the US but in Istanbul and that he wasn’t angry with my work at an Armenian/Turkish paper (as if I cared about his opinions?!)

He had the balls however to even joke about my complaints to Twitter (yes, he was stocking me there) and poke fun at my failed attempt to get WhatsApp do something about him. Turns out my Twitter followers weren’t real he said. But the highlight of it wall was his continuous assurance in himself and that he could just continue doing this harassment.

I was appalled by all of this. It was so frustrating. And it felt even more frustrating that I couldn’t do anything about this. Blocking obviously didn’t help. Complaining didn’t help either. Some guy just randomly picks you and it begins. And if you are lucky it stops at some point, your harasser gets tired of you maybe. Who knows how their logic works (not that they really have any). But I am indeed lucky- he stopped (at least for now). But the helplessness of the situation was daunting.

He wrote he had a girlfriend many years ago but after breaking up with her (in a very bad way- whatever that means given the insanity of his behavior) he decided to take his revenge on other women.

But how do we address this? Is there a way to address this? And surely, I understand that there are worse stories than this one but who gives the right? How many women go through and will go through these ordeals every day and can’t do anything?

Not that I have answers to these questions. I just thought I share this. Feels better to get it off my chest.

Mentality of our Azerbaijani bones

I have lived in several countries in my 20 something life, and nowhere did I hear the word mentality used so often than in my home sweet home Azerbaijan. 

What is this mentality? Some degree of machismo? Or maybe superiority?

Apparently in Azerbaijan it means a lot. For instance, comedians dressing up in women's clothes (which is something many comedians around the world do) is considered "as contradictory to Azerbaijani mentality". Or so says, one of our parliament members Fazil Mustafa. I wonder what else Mr. Mustafa considers as contradictory after hearing him say this. 

I am just curious since when this has become contradictory? Its been done through centuries. Should I remind you of Shakespeare?

You see this is why Azerbaijan is lagging behind with the whole concept of gender equality and women's rights. I am not a feminist, nor will I ever be one (this is just a side note for those whose minds it crossed). I am just for equality and for removal of such senseless expressions as "against/contradictory to mentality". Yes we have a very traditional society where men and women are not treated as equals, where woman's place is at home and man's at work, where women get most of the time off work when they give birth and men get none, even though the baby belongs to both of them, and they should both be entitled to spend the initial (and crucial) first months with the baby and... Wait a second, where was I? Ah right, family, equality and gender, oh and lets not forget the key word in this post- mentality!

So yes, mentality and what contradicts it- maybe its time we really start breaking the stereotypes within our heads?! Mentality is just another excuse for men and sometimes even women to bring it up as an argument, an exit strategy. It doesn't suit us!

The lucky number seven

The male vs. female equality is a topic widely debated not only in Azerbaijan but in many countries across the world. We do not question the reality of what if we actually were not born just because we were a boy or a girl or our parents made that decision for us. Imagine that your life abruptly ended somewhere down the first few weeks. It is hard to imagine, because it didn't happen to many of us but we should not forget about so many lives of tiny, helpless, little human beings that are ended just because their parents or elders or uncles and brothers chose to do so because they are simply the male figure, because they can.

This is an article I wrote recently for Osservatorio Balcani e Caucaso on selective abortion in Azerbaijan. It makes me wonder how many lives were ended, do you?

Azerbaijan Seven Sons and One Daughter

Changing Azerbaijani society or how to get rid of bad habits

Few weeks ago, I shared the following link on my Facebook profile. It takes you to an album from a day- campaign aimed at reminding local Azerbaijani citizens of something very simple and yet neglected all the time- standing in line. Everywhere you go, rarely you could see a proper line. In fact, there is no line culture in Azerbaijan. Most of the time what should look like a line would look like a bundle of people all trying to get ahead of the others by pushing, jumping in front and what not.

The campaign was initiated by a group of young Azerbaijani citizens calling themselves Positive Change. Today, I cam across this article introducing this initiative:

The group, also called Positive Change, grew out of the election campaign of a young candidate for the Azerbaijani parliament, Baxtiyar Haciyev (Bakhtiyar Hajiyev).

Haciyev, a Harvard graduate, went into the recent parliamentary elections with a campaign based on his U.S. experience and with the slogan of "Positive Change." He lost to a pro-government challenger in a process widely deemed fraudulent. 

But unfrustrated by the defeat, around 50 young volunteers working for Haciyev's campaign decided to set up a new youth movement to continue their advocacy for much-needed positive change in Azerbaijan. 

The video below is a reportage [AZ] about the campaign the day it was happening, with the speaker introducing the idea. "We tried showing that standing in line is possible and that while you are in line you could do more beneficial things too, like reading a book and thus use your time effectively" says the young man talking in the video.

Thumbs up for these guys as these are some of the initiatives much needed not only in the capital but also across the country.