Strange it is indeed... Usually, writing a post is simple, it is straight forward- there is a message I want to give, and I do it. But as I write this post I see that writing about politics is not the same as writing about feelings and emotions.
Just moments go, I was out with my friends, having a good time and enjoying myself. Right now I feel shattered, lonely and broken- feelings that are so familiar to me and yet distant as I try to leave only good things in my memories and recycle all the bad. But it never works that way, it is never that simple.
Life is not simple, relationships are not simple, friends are not simple, work is not simple, nothing is ever simple unless you really make it to be and in my mind the person who manages to make one's life so easy is a lucky person because this is not a quality everyone holds in possession. I see this ability as a gift, granted to some and kept from others.
I have been betrayed and hurt many times in my life but somehow, I have managed to get back on my feet and move forward no matter how hard it has been and sometimes I get haunted by those memories- every once in a while I get stuck in the past, re-thinking over things and events, trying to understand what went wrong and that as I understand is not a wise thing to do.
I don't know where I am going with this to be honest, but as I said in the begging of this post, it is so much easier to write about politics than it is about emotions. I guess, I should really stick to the former one...
8 comments:
Nothing deserves your sorrow. I mean it.
Arzu, sorry to read this post. Hope everything is okay. Maybe you're just exhausted because you've been very busy of late and also traveling a lot.
However, if that's not the case, well, what can I say? First of all, perhaps, it's life. Secondly, I disagree that the person who makes life simple is lucky.
Instead, probably they don't feel much at all, don't stretch themselves, and certainly don't achieve much. Also, I think self-reflection is necessary.
Yes, it might hurt at times, but it's how we develop and evolve as people. Betrayal and disappointment is a fact of life, and it happens a lot. And yes, it hurts.
However, learn from your experiences, but don't build a wall. More importantly, perhaps, I hope it passes or has already. I am sure many people are there for you.
It was a delight meeting you at last in Georgia and on the last day your words taught me a lot about myself and made me reflect myself. I thank you for that.
Arzu,
I agree that there is difference between writing about politics and writing about emotions. But which one of them is difficult? I think it depends on particular field that people write about. Writing about internal affairs is not the same as writing about one's wrath or intimate feelings.
In terms of making life easy, I disagree. It is OK to make life easy but sometimes people oversiplify life for the sake of running away from pain - that necessary pain of life. Too easy life is not worht to live. So, to me, balancing is more wise because pursuing easy life can become obsession and blunder our sensitivity to pain, compassion to others.
The peasant from Baku
I like your post. very nice.
Feel better.
"Life is not simple, relationships are not simple, friends are not simple, work is not simple, nothing is ever simple" you said... and you are not simple Arzu!
I remember how I met you in Baku. I remember we were in a pub, I just didn't want to go out that evening because I was a bit depressed. I remember you were sitting in front of me and I thought this girl is very sweet. I remember I asked you for a cigarette and we started to speak about superficial things (such as GG!)... And then I remember I smoked all your cigarettes and we spoke for hours! You were a kind of unexpected fresh air in Baku! We spoke about women in Azerbaijan, about your job, the way you have to deal with people around you, with many people who don't understand you. It was so good to discuss with a young Azerbaijani speaking freely and I thought I really would like to see you again! Then I leaved Baku. Sometimes, I got news on FB like "Arzu joined other baijan group" or a status criticizing Gov... and, whereas I was pretty sure that we wouldn't meet again, I couldn't stop thinking "wow that sweet girl dares to criticize, dares to write her thoughts in Azerbaijan" Then I saw your blog and thought "OMG she's tough and true!"... and now I (re)discovered you with A&E case and Arzu the more I learn about you, the more I admire your strong personality and the great job you do! It should be difficult but it's worth to be Arzu Geybullayeva. The first word that people answer when I pronounce your name is "great! Arzu is great!".. Next week we'll meet again & the first thing I thought was "don't forget your cigarettes and let's hope she isn't busy because I'd like to speak for hours and hours!" Arzu you are an extraordinary girl, you dare to be yourself, to be an independent woman speaking about her feelings so when you are depressed, look at you and think: "it hurts, it's an everyday's fight but I am proud of the woman I am" because all the people I met are damned proud of you!
Thank you everyone and Melissa thank you for all those nice words! I am looking forward to catching up in Istanbul soon!
Melissa summed it and you all up in a nutshell. Perfect, and I wholeheartedly agree. The whole region needs more people like you even if at times your life will be full of moments that hurt. I hope there will be none or fewer, but it's precisely because you feel that you are who you are. :)
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