A note for the Queen

Its been a while since I have made an entry here.

Busy times, and depressing news lines with an exception of occasional good stories here and there have not been too motivating. Just because things are, to put it gently are shit.

Back home crackdown continues unabated. Money is laundered and no one is to take responsibility for what is going on only to blame "others" whoever those others are still a mystery to me.

But then, I stumbled upon a status update shared on Facebook. It was not really a status update but a letter to the Queen of England herself. Below you may find rough translation of the status that for Russian speakers you may find here.

"Thoughts of provincial biopolitics 8 or an open letter to the Queen of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Her Majesty Elizabeth II. 

“Nobody tells me anything…” 

 James Galsworthy

You Majesty, Ilham Murtuzayev speaking here, from Azerbaijan. I would like to congratulate you albeit belatedly on your 90th birthday and wish you good health and well-being. However, in this regard, I have a delicate request to make. 

As far as we are allowed to know, our country, namely the President of Azerbaijan Ilham Aliyev, has allocated a lump sum to celebrate your anniversary. 

I am 67 years old and I have about 50 years’ of professional experience. Currently, my pension is around 50-60GB pounds per month. One million pensioners in Azerbaijan receive approximately the same amount. 

I imagine it would be difficult for you to understand how one survives on this amount, and I won't even try explaining it to you. Perhaps, our president also does not know. 

That is why I hope you would understand my delicate request and refund this money to the poor Azerbaijani pensioners. 

Maybe you would want to donate this sum to a charity, but to paraphrase Mahatma Gandhi, one can say “Good purposes cannot be reached by bad money”.

I understand that this will not affect my pension (and neither it will yours) and I may as well be accused of international terrorism, religious extremism, drug or weapon trafficking and so on. 

Thank you, Your Majesty. 

Using this opportunity and while I have access to Internet, I would also like to appeal to some of the countries which also receive our money, and ask them not to build various centres, parks, monuments and etc. with the money of poor Azerbaijani pensioners. 

Even religious structures do not recommend that one engages with charity to the detriment of one’s own interests. However, in this case I am not sure that personal interests are being hurt. 

For example, about a year ago, we, a group of citizens from Gusar city sent a letter to the Haydar Aliyev Foundation asking to save from destruction our very ancient city park which has a 200-year-old history. We never received even an answer. 

However, the same Haydar Aliyev Foundation built an entertainment centre in Paris. 

It is hard to stay happy in such cases. I am kindly asking world communities to stop organizing “Eurovision”, “Formula 1”, European and other Olympic games in Azerbaijan. Also, please do not send always-smiling OSCE and other observers to Azerbaijan during various referendums, election monitoring and etc. Or, at least, please choose those who are allergic to black caviar. 

The same smiling observers visited Syria many times. It would be great to send them there nowadays.  

Azerbaijan has a lifetime prime minister, and other ministers (who have privatized their ministries), deputies (who were elected by no one) and even an ombudsman has been here for a lifetime?! 

On 26th September we had the referendum (I even saw three people who went to vote) and now, to call things by their names, even Mr President is here for life. 

80-90 per cent of goods in our country’s grocery stores are imported from Russia, Iran, Belarus, Ukraine and even Georgia!? We don’t even produce plastic buckets. The Baku – Russian border highway (250 km long) has been under construction for almost ten years. One billion US dollars has been spent on it. All the people involved in it have already bought houses, villas in London, Istanbul, Prague and elsewhere. 

But the highway is still under construction. When one section of road is ready, they immediately start to repair the previous one. 

Today is 28th October 2016. We are in Gusar city. There has been no gas since this morning, and at 5pm just when our residents were looking forward to getting their gas back, the electricity went down as well. It is exactly the same like it was 20 years ago…"

I think this letter sums up pretty well the shit show taking place in Azerbaijan right now or shall I say, taking place for the last 20 years? 

Interested in an all-expense paid trip to Azerbaijan? Here is your chance, don't miss out!

No joke! Turns out, the Ministry of Youth and Sports says [AZ] they will cover expenses of guests coming for the Youthvision-the Eurovision for young singers scheduled to take place June 22-24, they are just not saying how much this is going to cost the country's coffers. 

The irony in all this is that, Azerbaijan's economy devalued twice. The ministry of education recently spoke about "problems" in funding Azerbaijani students abroad. And yet, we are yet to pay for another all-expense paid visit (just like it was during the European Games last year). 

But it is ok. Because no one in Azerbaijan is going to say anything about it and the regime will continue abusing their power because they know there won't be resistance. And then they will start another mini war with Armenia and will shift the focus like they always do. 

Speaking in Davos in January 2016, President Aliyev said the the low in oil prices was "psychologically difficult". Wonder whose psychology he was referring to here? His? His family's? His cronies'? Because surely, it must be extremely difficult for their psychology to handle the reality that there will be less money to steal. And looks like they have determined a new strategy- if there is less for them, there will certainly be nothing for the people. 

You see, President Aliyev is all about moral barometers- we are better than X, Y, Z country although more often than not, the President's favorite country to compare Azerbaijan with, is neighboring Armenia boasting about the budget difference and the spending.

What he and people around him tend to forget (or neglect) however, is that whatever big investment is brought into the country- the Crystal Hall, the Stadiums, the Malls and the upscale shops- they ain't for the public consumption. Precisely because of the inequality and class difference that was created by and large during the Aliyev leadership (first his father, and later his son). 

Who will benefit from coming to Azerbaijan for three days in an all-expense paid trip in June? Tourists! Yes, they might spend some manats here and there, but by and large it will be the visitors. If the Ministry of Youth and Sports is so generous- why not spend that money on paying for Azerbaijanis vacation at home or abroad? 

But until this ever becomes possible (i am lucky to live outside of the country, because who knows, my head might get chopped off for saying all this) dear visitors who will attend the Youthvision or the Formula 1 race, enjoy beautiful Azerbaijan or at least what is left of it but don't forget the country you are visiting is pretty nasty when it comes to treating its own people and watching out for their well-beings. 

Your first name is Free, Last name is Dom but not in a country where you will perform

I enjoy Pharrell William's music. It is on my running play list. His songs have a tendency to impact you and generally put you in a good mood. 

But now I am asking myself whether I should continue listening to him since he is scheduled to "perform" in Azerbaijan for the opening of the European Grand Prix on June 19. 

The announcement came today. The local online news outlet Report, said Pharrell will be taking stage together with other stars such as Chris Brown, and Enrique Iglesias. I don't really care about those two but Pharrell was certainly a disappointment. 

The concert is closed to public by the way and only holders of Formula 1 race tickets will be able to attend. 

Such a fall for Pharrell especially when you tune in into his "Freedom" song. 

"Your first name is Free,

Last name is Dom"

he sings, and all is left for me to add "but not in a country where you will perform".

Seeing these names appear on the line up for the opening is not surprising. My country and its leadership have a tendency to spend big money to get big starts come and perform. Last year, people watched Lady Gaga perform rendition of Imagine of which she left some parts out and was allegedly paid 2millionUSD for 10 minutes of stage time. Maybe it was her revenge for keeping her locked inside a hotel room for 3 days prior to her performance. 

Keeping people locked up is something the government of Azerbaijan is well accustomed to do. You all know the stories of activists, rights defenders, journalists who end up in jails of Azerbaijan. And trust me, they are not paid 2million$ for sure. 

I wonder now what Pharrell is charging for his performance in an authoritarian state and will he too stay locked up inside his hotel room?

p.s.: the list of stars goes on including Shakira and  Rihanna who performed at FIFA U-17 Women's World Cup 2012. 

Who needs Formula 1 in Azerbaijan?

The answer is simple- because Aliyev wants to have it. Full stop. 

All the talk about the image, obligations, modernity is all bla bla and nothing more than a caprice of a leader (or his teenager son). 

So I just want to make it clear, that this is the only reason Azerbaijan is hosting Formula 1. 

According to the State budget of 2016 193.3million manats were allocated for international activities and fees to international organizations. This includes 71.3million maintenance costs for the country's diplomatic corps; 32million for the payment of the country's share in international financial and loan organizations and fees for membership to social and political organizations [???]; 90million for costs of other international activities. 

But nowhere in the budget we are told what these "international activities" are and which social and political organizations Azerbaijan is a member of for which it pays its dues.  

But turns out it is ok. Because Azerbaijan needs this. Or President does. Vakhid Akhundov thinks it is not a bad idea to spend some of the country's currency reserves on games- because who the hell cares about the fact that people are hungry and that we really do not need another event of such proportions for which we have no clue how much we are paying because the government is refusing to fully disclose its expenditure.

Like here, where the sports minister Azad Rahimov makes a claim that the budget is less than 150million but how much it is exactly he also does not say because apparently to recite the whole budget is "too difficult". He does mention however the 12million manat spent for the roads, and 30million spent on the pit stop. The rest is a mystery. Just like every other big international event where budgets were kept under strict control.

But the problem at the end of the day, isn't about how much we are spending on this event or any other thats in the pipeline. The problem is that we should not be hosting it in the first place. Not when we should be channeling all our financial resources in making lives of average Azerbaijanis easier amid the on-going crisis.