Thursday, March 8

My father's last journey

It was as if that road was never going to finish. Perhaps deep inside I didn't want it to finish. It was my father's last journey. A journey that began not so long ago, in a small village of Katekh.

And so we were on our way back to where it all began, back where my father was born and raised. His final journey.

It's hard to put in words the feelings. I am going to try anyway, after all, I was the daughter of a man who could speak for hours, carefully picking every word, always knowing what to say, how to say it and when to say it.

I tell myself he is at peace, the pain he had is no longer there. He is free of all the illnesses. He is in a better place.

I know this because he always told me so. He would always tell me to be prepared for anything, including losing him, because that was nature's law. He would say "daughter this is life. Anything could happen, and you should always be prepared".

Well dad, I don't think I was prepared for this. I never wanted to. Who would? You have left me without even saying good bye to you. That's just not fair. This weekend was supposed to be our weekend- we were supposed to talk, laugh, joke, remember the good old days, talk about our plans after the hospital, and so much more. It was not supposed to be me saying good bye to you, not like that.
...
We are almost there, maybe another hour or so and we'll be home. I cannot bear the thought that this is it. The moment and the reality of life that you always talked about.

I am ever grateful to have had a father like you. To be told how great of a man you were, how thoughtful you were, how much everyone loved you, sometimes by people who barely knew you, sometimes by people who knew you too well.

It's just you were too good dad. You were too good. You never wanted to hurt anyone while so many others wanted to hurt you.

Father, there is still so much to say but it's hard. I am struggling in finding the right words. Because I too want to say only the right, only the best just like you used to. But I can't. I am not as skilled and blessed like you were. I wish I was, I wish right now words came to me as easily as they would come to you.

Dad, I miss you!

Perhaps that's all I need to say right now, that I miss you...

Today, its a week since you left me dad. When your heart stopped and you were gone, just like that. Life is strange indeed, you never know for sure how it's going to surprise you. You always told me that. "This is life" you said. I know dad, this is life, a life without you, but full of memories of you. I am happy to have them and I will cherish them. It's the least I can do. I love you dad...

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Salam. Allah rehmet elesin qebri nurla dolsun Insallah.....

arzu geybulla said...

Salam. Tesekkurler.

Anonymous said...

Arzu, you made me cry!I understand how difficult it is to lose parents. Dad and Mom are the most important people in our life, whom we can fully trust. RIP.I am really sorry to hear that.

Tural Mikanayev said...

Başınız sağ olsun. Qeybulla müellim haqqında həmişə fəxrlə danışa bilərik.

Anonymous said...

Dear Arzu,
I was so very sorry to hear about your beloved dad's passing away.
I had the honour to know such a wonderful man.
My deepest regards to you and your family.
Peace be upon him!
Mr.Ermenek